Right, no link there in the last post. Here you go.

http://wanderous.wordpress.com/

Got a new blog these days. Check out wanderous.wordpress.com

tangina naman eh. isang linggo ako gumawa ng splash screen, nag back and forth na kami analyzing the designs. Pumili na sila ng isang design. Ni-refine ko na hanggang sa matuwa na sila. Tapos ngayon "ay, kelangan pala natin ng bagong splash screen". tangina. ANO BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

I joined livejournal because I wanted to comment on her blog so she'd notice me, but that was over two years ago.  We're friends now so that's all well and good, but I find that this journal has lost its original purpose, and deserves to die a quiet death.

So, I'm starting a new blog, and that's all there is to it.  Thanks for the ride everyone.

Bye.

In lieu of the more complicated piece that I'm working on right now, I decided to upload this repaint of an earlier artwork.  This represents a radically different approach to painting, that doesn't rely on strong outlines but on color and shading to define borders.  Neither method is better really, but in the world of concept art, "painted" works are more appreciated, so that's the look I'm going for.  In any case I think of this as paying my dues.  I have to learn how to do it this way before "experimenting"

The repaint tries to address some shading and anatomy issues, but in the end the anatomy was too fucked up for me to properly rework, so this will have to do.

It's raining outside, it what may be the biggest storm to hit the metropolis in a while.  The winds are so fast that I thought I would be blown away, and I had to hold on to my umbrella for dear life to keep it from being ripped from my cold, clammy hands.

When I get to my office I look out the window to see both a heartening and heartbreaking sight: Garbage folk are still rummaging through the refuse despite the rain and the wind.  Heartening because I'm reminded how tough and resilient these people are, but also heartbreaking because this scene takes place amongst the skyscrapers of the premiere financial district of the Philippines.  If even a tiny percentage of the wealth that passes through these buildings were to fall into their hands, perhaps they wouldn't have to scrounge amoongst the trash for things they can sell.  Or perhaps they were looking for materials to build a shelter?  A few minutes later I look into them and see the small group huddled underneath the cover of a building, keeping together and rubbing hteir hands for whatever little warmth it would give them.

I should look out the window more often, as there are still plenty of stories to be found.

There was a time I would have marathon sessions playing games, days on end.  At family gatherings, I would hide in my room and play and only come down when my parents were screaming at me to greet my relatives.  Those times are gone, and these days it's rare that I can squeeze more than two hours of non stop gaming in a day.  This article by Clive Thompson on Wired News  inspired me to write about my own experiences and frustrations as an older, employed gamer.

Thompson describes an abyss between today's gamers, those of the "hardcore" bunch who spend hours upon hours gamin  and finding hidden easter eggs along the way, and "softcore old folks like me who have to juggle time between a job, family, friends and loved ones, and other forms of entertainment like sports, cinema, or even reading a good old fashioned book (or even nurturing aspirations of designing indie games).  Hardcore gamers relish epic 100 hour long games that they can brag about when they finish them, and softcore folks just want something they can finish  in the spare time that they have.

I fall into the latter category of course, and I've decided to vent out my frustrations about certain "features" in games that piss me off.  First off, the "grading" system, most commonly found in Hideo Kojima games like "Z.O.E." for the PS2. Finishing a game is an investment of my time, no matter how long or short it is, so I don't want to be rewarded with a grade of "C" on "normal" mode after finishing a game, because I wasn't able to save enough lives, and other transparent metrics that were never announced at the beginning of the game.  If you're going to grade me, then at the very least inform me about what you'll be grading me on.  Is it the time taken to finish the game, the accuracy in killing enemies, or the number of secret areas I found?  Don't fucking reward me with a C after I finish your game, and don't keep the "best" endings for when I finish the game with a grade of "A" because I spent valuable time on this game, and I deserve something in return.

The same goes for games that have "multiple endings" but require you to find character A to unlock side quest B in order to receive item C that unlocks secret treausure D that gives you the ultimate secret ending, because the other endings are all crappy.  Or games like Max Payne 2 that require you to finish the game on super crazy extra hard mode, in order to see the real ending.  What a cop out.  Difficulty settings should just be abolished.  I hate playing a game in normal mode with the thought that I'm not good enough to finish it on "hard" nagging me every now and then.  Just set the difficulty to a certain level.  If I can beat it, I can beat it.  If not, then hey, I'm just not good enough.

Going back to time, I've discovered that I'm loving games with "mission" based gameplay.  IE, finish one mission, then save.  Finish another mission, then save.  This way, I can get bite sized amounts of game time like this morning when I finished a mission in Front Mission 4 before trooping off to work.  It gives me a sense of accomplishment in knowing that I'm one step closer to finishing the game.  This is opposed to games like say, Resident Evil, where you need to spend an extended amount of time before ever actually feeling like you achieved something, enough at least to save your game.

But enough about games, and more on time.  For real this time.  I've discovered that commuting forces me to find ways to keep myself busy and maximize my time.  When I get home there's the allure of the consoles or the PC or TV to keep me sated, but while I'm on the go I get to read again.  Just yesterday and this morning, I was able to devour half of The Economist (I'll give it back joey, I swear) while walking to and from the MRT and LRT stations and am now incredibly up to date with the goings on in Europe and the Middle East.  I still can't discuss it with anyone but hey, at least I'm aware what's going on in the world.  When I have enough money to buy a decent mp3 player or a "Walkman" phone, I'll start listening to podcasts again, which is the lazy way of keeping up to date.

Now it's time to get back to work, since I've slacked off enough already.

I "blogged" about work yesterday, but the full details weren't discussed, and may never be because a) I'm too tired to think about it and b) office people are creeping into the blogosphere and its best to keep one's mouth shut in these cases.  I will instead provide you, ladies and gentlemen, with an analogy.  Going to work this past week reminded me of the time, oh so long ago, when I was learning how to drive.  On my first day, my instructor sat in the passenger seat, waited for me to buckle my seatbelt and said "OK, now drive."  I looked at him like he was insane, because I'd never driven before, and he was telling me to get out on the highway. 

That's how I felt these past few days.  A barrage of neverending work without even any time to actually learn about what it is I was supposed to be doing.  Terminologies are being thrown at me that I have yet to grasp, and the mere fact that I now work in makati instead of qc is starting to take its toll on my health.  Still, I know that this'll pass, and I know that I'll get the hang of this new job eventually.  I mean, I've been driving for what, 7 years now?  Sure I've had a few accidents along the way, but I'm still alive right?

*

I came in to work early yesterday to find elmer submitting his entry to the 2006 IMGAwards.  I felt a little jealous, and since I had a design document laying around from before, I modified it to fit the mobile perspective and as soon as I left the office started working on screenshots as supplementary material.  Thank god we're ahead a few hours from europe, because it bought me enough time to finish by around 11 PM and submit everything.  I'm a little worried now because I haven't recieved a confirmation message from them, but maybe that's because they remember last year when we were finalists for the game "Breakfast Club" but we had to bow out because our companny folded.

I'm tired, I'm cranky, and I feel like maybe I wasted a few hours of my life because I sent my entry to late, so here's the screens for you guys to check out.  Mind you, these were rushed, so don't expect much.

4 days into my new job and all I can say is...OMFG WTF have I gotten myself into?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

*sigh*

At least it pays well.

Tomorrow, I will embark on a career path that takes me away from the career path that I've been on for a little over two years: The business of making mobile phone games.  While I'll still be in the mobile sphere, IM apps are an entirely different sort of software, one that brings with it neither the joy nor the sheer frustration of game development.  Two years is nothing in the PC or console industry, but in mobile, it's enough for me to have gone through 20 or more games and applications.  This makes it possible for me to look back witha bit of wistful recollection at the different companies I've worked with in that period.

With company number 1, I learned the ropes of the mobile game business, I learned to hate cheap ass employers, and I learned the importance of building design documents BEFORE building a game (unfortunately I learned this because our boss liked doing design docs AFTER the game, and thus led to all sorts of confusion in the process).  I also learned how hard it is to maintain a startup, and that you cannot live on mobile games alone, if you only plan on selling locally.

WIth company number 2, I learned how wonderful and useful a good creative environment could be.  I learned that an entire team of people who get along together is a boon that should not be lightly taken, and the ideas that can spring from teams like that can be truly surprising.  Conversely, I learned that a lack of discipline and direction can severely hamper even tha most creative, inspired group of people, and that mismanagement can destroy everyone's best intentions.

With company number 3, I learned dscipline and wrestling with tight deadlines, and that sometimes a lot of work simply does not get done because you refuse to start it and keep whining about it.  Take the first step and keep on going.  You'll be surprised at the end of the day just how much work you've done.  But take breaks to decompress, just like I'm doing now.  This is a break. Really.  But most of all I learned that I really loved making games, even if I was severely underpaid there was still a joy that came fromseeing my animated pixels come to life ona mobile phone screen.  There came a pride in doing my best to try to make these games, however flawed they were, look good.

But that pride and professionalism can only last so long in those conditions, and when a new company offered me a ludicrously high (well for me at least) paying post to work on IM clients for the mobile, I gave in.  I did try to apply at PC and console outsourcing companies here, but the truth is that I lacked the skills necessary skills.  While my art has improved by leaps and bounds lately, it still won't be good enough for quite some time.

It's not like I'm giving up on the idea of working in videgames, but I have to loosen my hold on the dream a bit and maybe get back to it at the right place and time.  I have no regrets about signing on to my new company, and while I work for them I will give them everything that I've learned during the course of my career.   Still, there's a little melancholy in me when I think that the next time someone asks me what I do for a living, I will no longer say that I design mobile games.

This article http://www.escapistmagazine.com/issue/62/11 and this website http://gallery.guetech.org/greybox.html have convinced me that when it comes to video game piracy, game makers are truly barking up the wrong tree.  Instead of increasingly powerful protection and computer destroying DRM, all they really have to do (aside from lowering those crazy price tags) is to simply bring back "feelies".

In the 80s, when videogame graphics were pixelated and boxy, game makers would often add "feelies" or packaged freebies in order to enhance the game experience and in some ways also to provide an easy form of copy protection (you would often have to look up a word in the manual in order to play the game).  These freebies would range from items such as cloth maps of the world the game is based, coins based on the game's currency, or 3-D comic books that add a background story to the characters. 

What game makers these days could do is to include well thought out "feelies" again, items that would have to be used in order to progress in the game.  For exaple, imagine finding a puzzle in an RPG, then being told to look in the box of your RPG, where a 3 dimensional "real" version of that puzzle exists.  In order to progress through the game, you would have manually figure out how to unlock the "real" puzzle and input the code hidden within.  Or take out in game maps and instead have players use the maps given to them in the game.  Even commemorative pins and stickers, or a certificate saying that this is game # x or x number of games makes the package that much more special and worth owning.  Original games these days don't offer much more when compared to their pirated counterparts, so there's often no valid reason for people to buy original games.  It's easy to make a faithful copy of data stored on a disk, but to copy a mini-figurine or 3-D comic book is much more difficult,  giving pirates a little more compeition than they normally would.

Sure, in the age of the internet it'd be easy to share the "secret code" found in the puzzle, but that's not the point.  "Feelies" give people more of a reason to buy original games by offering content that the pirates cannot reproduce.  If immersion is the name of the game, then consider this:  Is it more immersive to view a map onscreen or to be able to hold the actual map in your hands as you make your way through the game?   Is it more fun  to solve a puzzle in the game, or be given a piece of paper witha message written in invisible  ink that you have to hol dup to the sunlight in order to read?  Think about it.

The bad luck I had a few days back was apparently not an isolated experience.  While no major fuckup has reared its head in the last few days, a coffee spilling incident on Sunday and being stuck in major traffic in makati on Friday(an hour in almost the same frickin place. I was so drained I had no room for anger) after an interview (with the same company! cue "sense of foreboding" music) keeps me on my guard, waiting for the next bad thing to happen.

The only thing that made me smile was my girlfriend, who never fails to make me smile.  That, and me and her entire family picking on her sister, who we have dubbed "the psycho".

On Saturday I was invited by a friend of my father for a meeting discussing a game that's supposed to bolster ASEAN's image among the youth.  Basically, to give young adults and yuppies a chance to get a more in depth look at the function of ASEAN and hopefully help it regain relevance in its 40th year of existence.  More on that as it progresses.  It's basically just a proposal paper right now, awaiting ASEAN's $100,000 budget approval.

They were right.

Upon leaving Makati after a so-so interview I noticed that my car was having engine trouble.  This was not unexpected, as it had started ahcking and coughing its way already on the way to the interview in makati.  This time, however, it came to a standstill every time Istepped on the clutch.  For those of you who still drive using manual shifting, you know this is a problem. A huge problem.  I coax my car to clunk its way to the nearest gas station in order to get it patched up.  I am told that so and so doohickey has fucked up and the ball bearing of another doohickey has slipped into a hole and all sorts of mechanical mumbo jumbo that I nod my head and pretend to understand.  What I do understand is estimates, and so I ask how much it'll cost to replace the parts and how much time it'll take.  They estimated that it would take half a day, and cost near to ten grand to have everything fixed up.

I am in shock.

After I recover from said shock, I walk briskly away from the gas station to smoke (I was already having a streak of bad luck, I didn't want to hit the jackpot by blowing up a gas station) and to call my pater and ask for his advice, which is to leave the car there so he can come to take a look at it tomorrow.  Fine. Good.  I make my way home by walking to g4 and taing the MRT/LRT route, take a shower, and go to bed early hoping to sleep off the bad luck.

It doesn't work.

On my usual walk to work today, a sudden downpour soaks me to the bone, rendering my jacket useless and making me wet in places I didn't even know existed.  As I walk into my office building all eyes are on my huge, dripping frame.  I drip my way into mini stop to get some instant coffee, then make my way to the bathroom where I spend an hour next to the electric dryer trying vainly to get rid of the wetness.  I succeeded in getting myself from sopping wet to damp and cold, which was an improvement but by no means optimal.  However, I had ben standing pantsless in the bathroom for near an hour, and I knew it was just a matter of time before someone alerted the guards that there was a pantsless man in the lavatory.

I have since put on my pants and am now gearing myself for another fun day at work. bah. humbug. and all that.

I wonder these days just how good my teachers in Fine Arts were.  Sure, I'll agree that for the most part my weaknesses in art were a lack of my never trying hard enough, but I'm learning things now that were never really taught to us back then, like the simple outlines of a hand.  We were told to draw 50 hands, which I diligiently did, but without any knowledge of the basic shapes of a hand, I was left not really learning anything from the experience. 

I've stopped creating whole artworks and I'm going back to learning the basics of figure drawing, using a handy manual by a man named Loomis.  I must thank the good man, and thaepirates (yaaar!)/ freedom fighters of the internet, who liberated his works from the clutches of copyright law.  The internet is a beatuiful, wonderful thing.



These were my first attempts at the hand, with a bit of head drawings in the mix just to  keep things interesting.



Head drawings.  Loomis makes a note in some of his sketches that you have to think of the body as a machine, of joints as levers, in order to create realistic looking movement.  Here I'm trying, rather unsuccessfully, to show the movement of the neck in as many different ways as possible.  On the lower right is what loomis calls the basic planes of the face.  Using these planes, one can get a better grasp of how light and shadow will play on the face, something that I've had difficulty with until now.  He says to memorize the planes, but It'll probably take me at least a week's worth mor of drawings to do that.



These last few sketches were mostly hands, again with some heads thrown in for reference.  The multi-armed guy on the right with numerous appendages is what happens when you get bored of drawing just hands.  It makes things more interesting, as it's also a study of the movement of the arms and elbow, as well as drawing hands that conform to the shape of an object (ie the human body)

More on the actual body soon, once I master these two key components.

I'm glad that I'm improving with my art, but now it's becoming apparent what some of my major problems are.  I suck at color composition.  I change my mind so often that the original sketch look hardly anything like the final product.  I still have no fixed workflow.  This is why it takes me an average of a week (maybe 2-3 hours a day) to complete a piece instead of a day or two.  This next piece was originally meant to be a cyber warrior kind of guy, like a cyborg with a sword and whatnot.  I was ultimately unhappy with what became of that, and so turned him into your run of the mill samurai, with a little experimentation on the armor.  I decided to completely forego the background so I could concentrate on the character.  I figure I should take things one at a time.

.

Oh, and just for fun here's what I drew out of frustration when I was having trouble with the first piece, using my "hulk" action figure as reference:



I tihnk it captures the essence of how I was feeling that time. :D

Right, forgot about the sucky imaginary bone part.  My friend recently resigned from his job to take up a position in a Singaporean company.  THe both of us assumed that his former company would be looking for a replacement, and I was perfect for the job.  It was a job that would earn me enough money to live comfortably and save a substantial amount of money while giving me enough free time to pursue my creative endeavours.  Unfortunately...it looks like they don't need/want a replacement.  It's a good thing I was still in denial/it's too good to be true mode for me to be really disappointed, but it still kinda sucks.

No, not like that, you malicious, filthy people.  Get your minds out of the gutter.  It's my gutter and you're not welcome.  What I meant was that it's getting harder and harder to get better.  The checklist of  "stuff that I really suck at" is starting to get small, and the list of "average but really you could do so much better" is growing.  So hard.

My latest work:

...read too many Robert Kiyosaki books and look down on people who work to make a living, or in my friend's enlightened words "goodbye now and go work for your paycheck".  It's not so much the idea I hate rather but the snotty way my friend said it.  Like there's shame in working for a living.  Sure I'd like to have a business and make money without slaving away for a network, but I wouldn't be so cocky about it, like I'd found the answer to the world's ills or something, and I'm so much better than you for it.

Probably the reason I hate Kiyosaki himself, and everyone who swears by the "rich dad poor dad" books.

When I was younger, I'd almost always be one of the smarter kids in class, and I did it without even trying.  I would win awards an contests, and my IQ tests would always show me being in the top percentile of my age group worldwide.  I did this without even trying.  I loved to learn about new things and absorbed them like my mind was a sponge, and for the life of me I couldn't figure out why some of my friends couldn't get seemingly simple questions.  I figured I was just smarter and that was the way the world worked.

You either had it or didn't.

This was reinforced by experiences that I had playing basketball.  I got on my High school's second string team, but I always felt like I was let in because of my height and "potential".  I tried as hard as I could, but I could never really play as well as my teammates.  My coach would even notice me exerting more effort than anyone else.  He would bring this to the team's attention, make them clap for me, and tell them to emulate my example.  They would then proceed to leave me in their dust.

You can practice as hard as you can but you either have it or you don't.

This was pretty destructive, since I was smart enough to cruise through high school and even manage a third honors, but once I hit college, it was an entirely different story.  I failed like, two semesters of nat sci and was on the brink of failing some of my majors because I'd simply refuse to learn, or to even try.  The consequence of this is that I came out the college of Fine Arts with nary an improvement in my artistic skills and a huge gap in talent between me and my peers. 

It's only recently that I've really tried learning the basics of art again, and I'm surprised and delighted at the progress I've made, but at the same time regretful of the time I wasted.  My friend's off to an interview in singapore, with his plane fare and accomodations being paid for by the company because they like his work that much.  Had I devoted the same effort to my art yers back that I'm doing now, I could have been the one on that plane.  I'm not depressing myself over shoulda-woulda-couldas, but still, it's a shame.

Now that I'm really trying and constantly working to get better, a scarier thing looms ahead.  Just how good can I get?  When will I reach my full potential?  And, what if if my best just isn't good enough?  I mean, I know I'm getting better, but I still believe that there's a limit to potential.  That some people will be better than you no matter how hard you try.  That's why there's only one Jordan as opposed to hundred of thousands of basketball veterans playing as hard as they can just to earn a paycheck.  What if I end up one of those veterans, The guys who never made it?   It's kinda scary, but I've still a long ways to go before I reach my peak, so it's not somehting I'm worried about right now. 

I love pizza.

You know it's going to be a slow work day when your first 40 minutes is taken up by having a huge shit in the CR while playing 2 games of Fifa 2005.

On an entirely unrelated note...

Finished in the throes of insomnia.